The inspiration for this post sprung from the fact that I haven’t updated in about a month (and breaking my Christmas present promise in the process!). The sad reason for this is that I am currently a little burned out on cosplay. Working on my Dreamer Jade costume over the holidays was a completely draining experience. I basically got the majority of it done over a cross of three weeks, and the final stretch in particular was littered with challenges. Which, of course, resulted in me barely finishing my dress and hat on time. My costume was pretty well-received, and I AM proud of what I managed to get done on time, but now I only feel hollow about the experience. My costume was unfinished in many aspects, including the sloppiest hem job in the world and visible hoopskirt boning (which happens to be one of my biggest cosplay pet peeves!). Needless to say, I am disappointed in myself over wearing a costume that could have been a hundred times more polished.
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| A pretty accurate representation of myself by the con |
A reoccurring pattern in my life is incompletion. I struggle with finishing about anything I start-Piles of unfinished doodles rot in my desk drawer, countless writing projects bouncing in my head but never making it down on paper, so many books, video games, etc. have been started but eventually forgotten about. You name it, and it’s probably something I’ve been neglecting for the past three years. Cosplay hasn’t escaped this cycle, also! Female Robin from Fire Emblem Awakening is a cosplay that I planned on doing for last year’s Fanimecon, but barely made it beyond my heap of fabric. And who knows if I will ever complete her now, at that.
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| Goodnight, sweet prince(ss) |
Three weeks have past since Sacanime, and my enthusiasm for cosplay is still waning. Post-con blues aren’t anything new, but I am still feeling down It may be a little melodramatic, but I keep remembering how taxing Jade was, which instantly creates a mental brick wall that blocks my enjoyment for costuming. But I also see myself falling into old patterns-putting things off while reassuring myself that it’s just a little slump, and then forgetting about it when my brain jumps to some new, shiny interest.
I’ve tumbled down this slippery slope numerous times in my life, and frankly, it feels demoralizing. I am tired of dreading cutting out fabric and then having that bog my desire to sew. I am tired of never following through with creative projects. I am sick of watching other interests of mine being placed on the back burner because something else has caught my attention for ten minutes. This is a nasty cycle, but I am determined to finally break it.
Expressing my feelings through writing has already been a great start It forced me to objectively look at myself, and study the traps I consistently fall for.
For starters, I am taking a well needed vacation from starting anything from scratch. And from anything yellow. Instead of worrying about creating an entire costume by a particular deadline, I’m focusing my energy on cleaning up Nonon cosplay instead. While the overall costume is still quite adorable, there are definitely elements that are crying out for help. So, for the next couple of weeks, I am pouring my energy into making a well loved costume into something that’s even better!
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| Me desperately trying to boost my spirits in time for AOD |
Cosplayers have a tendency to punish themselves with intricate (and sometimes multiple) projects for a single convention! We get emotionally wrapped up in our world of sewing machines and fabric, and soon we’re actually crying over a puckering hemmed, all while ordering ourselves that that stupid dress better be done by tomorrow or there will be hell to pay. Our mantra may be “cosplay is fun!” in a pitiful attempt to boost our spirits, but the reality is that the ridiculous standards we set for ourselves can be emotionally draining, and only drives us away from something we love. And where is the fun in that?
